Bigfoot on My Shoulder by Ed Kowalski
"So…"
"So…"
"It's not right."
"What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is you dated her for three years."
"Honey, we've been together for five, living together as long as I dated her. You're being dramatic." An emotional train wreck is more like it. I hate when she gets like this.
"Still you keep something from her in our house." God, I hate when he's obtuse.
"Jesus, babe, it's not like she's in the house with us."
"Might as well be."
"What does that mean?"
"Why can't you get rid of it?"
"It was a gift."
"From her!" If I kept any of my ex-flames' things in the house he'd freak. "If I kept any of my ex-flames' things in the house you'd freak."
"I did not."
"You sure wou- Wait, what do you mean you did not?”
"Bigfoot…"
"Are you serious?"
"As serious as you. You kept his sketch of Bigfoot."
"It's one drawing."
"You framed it!"
"He framed it."
"You kept it."
"At my parents' house. You wouldn't even let me put it up in the bathroom."
"What does it matter what room it's in?" Women, Jesus!
"It would have been in the bathroom, not on display in the living room like this." Men, oh…my…God!
"I haven't seen him in like seven years!"
"I'm not displaying it. Where else should I keep it?" Roger, will she ever forget him? Not with his picture of bigfoot in her parents' house.
"Well you're not hiding it either, and it's painfully obvious you won't part with it."
"You've spoken to him."
"Why can't you- Wait, what?"
"You spoke to Roger two years ago."
"When? I didn't. Don't change the subject."
"He was in town and wanted to see you."
"Oh, that. I didn't see him."
"You were on the phone with him for an hour!"
"It was twenty minutes, thirty at the most."
"It was an hour, maybe forty-five, fifty minutes, but it was definitely more than thirty minutes."
"Were you timing us?"
"No, but I remember we were running late for the movie, then he called, and we never made the movie."
"You remember a movie we missed two years ago?"
"I remember we missed it because you had to talk to your old boyfriend."
"I didn't have to, but it had been like five years. I couldn't be rude. I felt bad enough I couldn't meet him. He was only in town for the day."
"Ah-ha! You felt bad you couldn't see him. I knew it!"
"I felt bad saying no. I didn't really care about seeing him." He's so childish!
"I can't imagine what you'd have felt bad saying no to if you had met him, if you said no."
"Are you serious? What about Jane? You did see her."
"Only long enough to get this. She insisted." She's so childish!
"So it's okay for you to see her if she insists, but I can't even talk to an old boyfriend?"
"I saw her once!"
"To get that, and now you won't get rid of it even though you know it bothers me."
"It shouldn't."
"The picture at my parents' house bothers you."
"I'm not bothered. It's just annoying."
"So is this."
"Will you get rid of Bigfoot?"
"That's totally different."
"How?"
"If you can't see the difference I'm not even sure why we're together."
"What? What are you saying?"
"I'm saying if you can't even consider my feelings why am I with you?
"Are you saying you want to break up?" How did we go from get your ex's gift out of the house to breaking up?!
"I didn't say that, but I guess you want to break up!" How did we go from Bigfoot to he wants me to leave?
"I don't want to break up, but you still obviously have issues about Jane. Fine. If you feel that strongly about it, I'm just going to toss this angel figurine out the window! Why the heck would I want a figurine?"
"You didn't have to do that! I think you hit the neighbor's car. Why did you keep it if you didn't want to remember her?"
"If you ever looked it has your name on it. She told me she's glad I found you. You're my true angel. She's right."
"Oh honey! I don't want to break up, and I don't need Bigfoot. Hug me." He loves me!
"All I needed to hear was you can part with Bigfoot. Kiss me." She loves me!
"So…"
"So…"
"It's not right."
"What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is you dated her for three years."
"Honey, we've been together for five, living together as long as I dated her. You're being dramatic." An emotional train wreck is more like it. I hate when she gets like this.
"Still you keep something from her in our house." God, I hate when he's obtuse.
"Jesus, babe, it's not like she's in the house with us."
"Might as well be."
"What does that mean?"
"Why can't you get rid of it?"
"It was a gift."
"From her!" If I kept any of my ex-flames' things in the house he'd freak. "If I kept any of my ex-flames' things in the house you'd freak."
"I did not."
"You sure wou- Wait, what do you mean you did not?”
"Bigfoot…"
"Are you serious?"
"As serious as you. You kept his sketch of Bigfoot."
"It's one drawing."
"You framed it!"
"He framed it."
"You kept it."
"At my parents' house. You wouldn't even let me put it up in the bathroom."
"What does it matter what room it's in?" Women, Jesus!
"It would have been in the bathroom, not on display in the living room like this." Men, oh…my…God!
"I haven't seen him in like seven years!"
"I'm not displaying it. Where else should I keep it?" Roger, will she ever forget him? Not with his picture of bigfoot in her parents' house.
"Well you're not hiding it either, and it's painfully obvious you won't part with it."
"You've spoken to him."
"Why can't you- Wait, what?"
"You spoke to Roger two years ago."
"When? I didn't. Don't change the subject."
"He was in town and wanted to see you."
"Oh, that. I didn't see him."
"You were on the phone with him for an hour!"
"It was twenty minutes, thirty at the most."
"It was an hour, maybe forty-five, fifty minutes, but it was definitely more than thirty minutes."
"Were you timing us?"
"No, but I remember we were running late for the movie, then he called, and we never made the movie."
"You remember a movie we missed two years ago?"
"I remember we missed it because you had to talk to your old boyfriend."
"I didn't have to, but it had been like five years. I couldn't be rude. I felt bad enough I couldn't meet him. He was only in town for the day."
"Ah-ha! You felt bad you couldn't see him. I knew it!"
"I felt bad saying no. I didn't really care about seeing him." He's so childish!
"I can't imagine what you'd have felt bad saying no to if you had met him, if you said no."
"Are you serious? What about Jane? You did see her."
"Only long enough to get this. She insisted." She's so childish!
"So it's okay for you to see her if she insists, but I can't even talk to an old boyfriend?"
"I saw her once!"
"To get that, and now you won't get rid of it even though you know it bothers me."
"It shouldn't."
"The picture at my parents' house bothers you."
"I'm not bothered. It's just annoying."
"So is this."
"Will you get rid of Bigfoot?"
"That's totally different."
"How?"
"If you can't see the difference I'm not even sure why we're together."
"What? What are you saying?"
"I'm saying if you can't even consider my feelings why am I with you?
"Are you saying you want to break up?" How did we go from get your ex's gift out of the house to breaking up?!
"I didn't say that, but I guess you want to break up!" How did we go from Bigfoot to he wants me to leave?
"I don't want to break up, but you still obviously have issues about Jane. Fine. If you feel that strongly about it, I'm just going to toss this angel figurine out the window! Why the heck would I want a figurine?"
"You didn't have to do that! I think you hit the neighbor's car. Why did you keep it if you didn't want to remember her?"
"If you ever looked it has your name on it. She told me she's glad I found you. You're my true angel. She's right."
"Oh honey! I don't want to break up, and I don't need Bigfoot. Hug me." He loves me!
"All I needed to hear was you can part with Bigfoot. Kiss me." She loves me!
RSS Feed