The Send off by Holly Jahangiri
“Mom? Time to go.”
“I’ve changed my mind. We’re not going.”
“Hilda’s your best friend. Of course we’re going.”
“Was. Was my best friend. Old bat up and left me here all by myself. Why would I want to go to this shindig?”
“What are you, like, three? Get your coat and stop acting petulant.”
“Stop turning that fancy vocabulary on me, young lady. I taught you every fifty-dollar word you know.”
“I know. Are you ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. And don’t you smile at me like that. I’m in no mood.”
“Oh, you’re in a mood, all right. I’ll bring the car around.”
“I wonder if Jimmy will be there…”
“The one who’s your age or the one who’s mine?”
“Hmmph. Maybe they’ll both be there. We can double date.”
“Yeah, sure. You comfortable? Need help with your seatbelt?”
“Heaven’s sake, child. I’m seventy, not a hundred and four.”
“Sorry, just trying to help.”
“We should go on a trip together, Susie Q, just you and I. Wouldn’t that be something? See the world before I’m too old to run for the gate…”
“We should do that. Kind of tough to take off time from work right now, but let’s plan on it.”
“Mmm. Are we there yet?”
“We’re a block from the house, Mom.”
“Well, how long till we get there?”
“Are you—you’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”
“A little. Say, let’s stop at that little ice cream parlor first. You know, the one that makes that wonderful pistachio ice cream, with the fresh pistachios.”
“We’ll be late—”
“Oh, Hilda won’t mind, Dear.”
“Are you okay, Mom? We don’t have to go, if you really don’t want to.”
"No, Dear, you were absolutely right. Hilda was—is—my best friend. I shouldn’t hold a grudge. I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t get to visit with her for a little while. We can get ice cream afterwards.”
“Okay, Mom. Hey, we’re here—I’ll drop you off at the front and join you as soon as I’ve parked the car.”
“That’ll be fine, Susie Q. I’d like a little time alone with Hilda, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course. Mr. Sheldon will probably be here—right? Maybe I’ll go flirt with him for a bit while you’re chatting with Hilda.”
“Oh, you’d give that geezer a right heart attack, you would! He’d just die for that kind of attention!”
“You laugh, but he’s very good looking for an octogenarian!”
“Filthy rich, too! His is a recession-proof occupation, if ever there was one. Although, I do worry if that man fell asleep at the office someone might mistake him for one of his clients and bury him alive.”
“You’re awful! Now run inside so I can get this car parked.”
“See you in a few, Susie Q.
“Hilda? Oh, Hilda, where are you hiding…oh, there you are, all decked out like a queen. Good lord, woman, all you need is a scepter. I almost didn’t come, you know—it’d serve you right if you threw a party like this and nobody came. I don’t know what to say to you. Susie made me come. Had some silly notion I’d be sorry, later, if I didn’t. But I shouldn’t have come. You look ridiculous in that get-up, you old bat. Too much rouge on your pasty white cheeks. And good gawd, who did your hair? You look a right mess. No, I don’t think I can forgive you this, Hilda—you left me. You up and left without a word, without a forwarding address! Did you move south? No, no, you’re too good for the folks down there. Can’t see you all the way up north, though—they’re too hoity-toity for someone who likes to play cards and swear like a truck driver. Bet you settled into some midwestern, Ohio-like purgatory—that’d suit you just fine. Oh, look what you’ve made me do! Now my make-up’s all a mess…”
“Mom? Look who I found.”
“Oh! Mr. Sheldon. Isn’t this lovely? Doesn’t Hilda look—Hilda looks so…er…oh, for Heaven’s sake, she doesn’t look ‘peaceful,’ she looks dead. Dead as a door knob. When it’s my turn, Mr. Sheldon—well, I do hope I outlive you, because I have no intention of meeting my make-up looking like a two-bit hooker! Come on, Susie Q, time to get some ice cream.”
“Mom? Time to go.”
“I’ve changed my mind. We’re not going.”
“Hilda’s your best friend. Of course we’re going.”
“Was. Was my best friend. Old bat up and left me here all by myself. Why would I want to go to this shindig?”
“What are you, like, three? Get your coat and stop acting petulant.”
“Stop turning that fancy vocabulary on me, young lady. I taught you every fifty-dollar word you know.”
“I know. Are you ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. And don’t you smile at me like that. I’m in no mood.”
“Oh, you’re in a mood, all right. I’ll bring the car around.”
“I wonder if Jimmy will be there…”
“The one who’s your age or the one who’s mine?”
“Hmmph. Maybe they’ll both be there. We can double date.”
“Yeah, sure. You comfortable? Need help with your seatbelt?”
“Heaven’s sake, child. I’m seventy, not a hundred and four.”
“Sorry, just trying to help.”
“We should go on a trip together, Susie Q, just you and I. Wouldn’t that be something? See the world before I’m too old to run for the gate…”
“We should do that. Kind of tough to take off time from work right now, but let’s plan on it.”
“Mmm. Are we there yet?”
“We’re a block from the house, Mom.”
“Well, how long till we get there?”
“Are you—you’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”
“A little. Say, let’s stop at that little ice cream parlor first. You know, the one that makes that wonderful pistachio ice cream, with the fresh pistachios.”
“We’ll be late—”
“Oh, Hilda won’t mind, Dear.”
“Are you okay, Mom? We don’t have to go, if you really don’t want to.”
"No, Dear, you were absolutely right. Hilda was—is—my best friend. I shouldn’t hold a grudge. I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t get to visit with her for a little while. We can get ice cream afterwards.”
“Okay, Mom. Hey, we’re here—I’ll drop you off at the front and join you as soon as I’ve parked the car.”
“That’ll be fine, Susie Q. I’d like a little time alone with Hilda, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course. Mr. Sheldon will probably be here—right? Maybe I’ll go flirt with him for a bit while you’re chatting with Hilda.”
“Oh, you’d give that geezer a right heart attack, you would! He’d just die for that kind of attention!”
“You laugh, but he’s very good looking for an octogenarian!”
“Filthy rich, too! His is a recession-proof occupation, if ever there was one. Although, I do worry if that man fell asleep at the office someone might mistake him for one of his clients and bury him alive.”
“You’re awful! Now run inside so I can get this car parked.”
“See you in a few, Susie Q.
“Hilda? Oh, Hilda, where are you hiding…oh, there you are, all decked out like a queen. Good lord, woman, all you need is a scepter. I almost didn’t come, you know—it’d serve you right if you threw a party like this and nobody came. I don’t know what to say to you. Susie made me come. Had some silly notion I’d be sorry, later, if I didn’t. But I shouldn’t have come. You look ridiculous in that get-up, you old bat. Too much rouge on your pasty white cheeks. And good gawd, who did your hair? You look a right mess. No, I don’t think I can forgive you this, Hilda—you left me. You up and left without a word, without a forwarding address! Did you move south? No, no, you’re too good for the folks down there. Can’t see you all the way up north, though—they’re too hoity-toity for someone who likes to play cards and swear like a truck driver. Bet you settled into some midwestern, Ohio-like purgatory—that’d suit you just fine. Oh, look what you’ve made me do! Now my make-up’s all a mess…”
“Mom? Look who I found.”
“Oh! Mr. Sheldon. Isn’t this lovely? Doesn’t Hilda look—Hilda looks so…er…oh, for Heaven’s sake, she doesn’t look ‘peaceful,’ she looks dead. Dead as a door knob. When it’s my turn, Mr. Sheldon—well, I do hope I outlive you, because I have no intention of meeting my make-up looking like a two-bit hooker! Come on, Susie Q, time to get some ice cream.”
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